Hi everyone. I’ve just returned from a very powerful experience and I have to share with you what I’ve learned.
I have spent eight days in a row in total silence. Yes, total silence.
I was meditating in a monastery close to Niagara Falls, Canada. It was a retreat held by Shinzen Young, an acclaimed secular meditation teacher. I’d never done anything this long before and I can assure you that I never expected to learn as much as I did.
It was profound.
The whole retreat was in silence. The only exceptions were a period in the morning where there was some teaching around techniques of meditation. In the evening there was a talk that was inspirational. The rest of the time, I was sitting and meditating.
The “goal” was to try and be in the moment or meditating during every moment of the retreat. While walking, while eating, while waking up in the am, and while in the bathroom. The idea is that with time you can retrain your mind to get out of its default mode of wandering and into a more present centered space.
In silence, there’s a chance to understand more fully how your mind works and what thoughts are occupying your days. Pleasant, unpleasant, and deranged! Free from our regular life of busyness and distraction. There’s no escape from your mind when you’re forced to be alone with it all day long!
I couldn’t recommend this more highly for everyone. I learned so much.
Here’s some of the insights I’ve come out with after a very interesting eight days.
Each moment we experience. Each. Single. Moment. Can be experienced more fully if we pay close attention to the sensations happening in that moment.
Mundane tasks like eating a salad, or walking down a hallway (Or writing a blog), can be made richer by paying attention to the variety of sensory experiences occurring in the moment. How much detail can you experience in each moment? If you look beyond the surface are their subtle details you’ve never noticed before? How deeply can you pay attention to a single sensation?
It’s difficult at first, but with practice or deep immersion you start to tease out subtler and subtler sensations. And you start to realize that there is more going on in your moment-to-moment experience of life than you thought.
Silence is powerful
How much of our lives do we actually spend in silence? Real silence. We spent a lot of our time stuck in distraction and doing. On our phones. Texting. Emailing. Taking on more tasks than we know how to complete. I’m very guilty of this, for sure.
But is that constant “doing” getting me to where I want to be? Is it making me happier or less happy? A week of being unplugged and fully immersed in silence was a good reminder. Enjoy the space. The peace. The quiet that is present in each moment, even the ones that seem chaotic. Look around at what’s happening right now!
There’s a crazy voice inside my head
That voice. It’s there all the time. Narrating my experience. Summarizing. Explaining to an imaginary “other”. It what in meditation they call “monkey mind”. It’s like there’s a little crazy monkey in there hopping all over the place vying for my attention. But that voice, well, it’s not “me”. It’s just a voice. A sound. A mental process that occurs spontaneously. I have the power to observe that voice and choose whether or not to listen to it. This is very powerful. That voice doesn’t have to control you. They are just sounds in your head. I can learn to observe them and let them go. Can you?
The world we create for ourselves is in our minds
What’s present, out there and in my head is just sensory experience. There’s inner and outer sights, sounds, and feelings. Those things are always there and always changing. It’s not the content of those sensations that’s important. What’s important is how I interpret or react to that content.
Have you ever found yourself trying to hang on or recreate moments that felt good, or running away from or trying to ignore unpleasant sensations? When you start to see your world at a deeper level, you’ll understand that it’s all just sensations. You have the ability to observe them, pause and then CHOOSE how to respond. There’s a lot of freedom in that.
We already know a lot about who we are and what we want.
Trust your intuition. When you are able to quiet down your mind. Settle your anxiety down and really listen to what you really want – the answers are often there. We’re usually so distracted and busy that we don’t give ourselves enough time to really look within. You know what you want. For me, it’s really simple. I just want to share moments of happiness with the people I love. And slowly work towards a life where I can serve and help others more and more. That’s it. Lots of money, big houses and a fancy reputation aren’t really important when I dig down deep. Real deep. In fact, getting caught in that line of thinking often distracts me from working towards the life I really want, and well, already have in so many ways.
You’re never fully alone.
“But I’ll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you’ll come to understand that you’re connected with everything.” – Alan Watts
All of us are a lot more connected than we fully realize. Looking around the retreat there were people of a variety of ages. Early twenties to late eighties. Different backgrounds, races, professions and lives. And we were all doing the same work. Sitting with ourselves, for long hours, concentrating and all trying to know ourselves a little deeper. At some level we shared a lot and wanted the same things.
But extending that outside of the retreat, there are people everywhere doing the same work as you. Trying to be a better person. Struggling with some of the same things as you. People who have experienced your woes, shared your emotions, joys and heartbreaks. The experience of being human is more similar than we sometimes realize. Even those people who seem radically different can be a lot more alike than you think. Look beyond the surface.
You are more connected to people than you realize. There have been so many people that have been involved in getting you to wherever you are now. Your parents, your grandparents and ancestors that stretch for generations. All of your teachers and coaches. Your friends. Your classmates. Your coworkers. Your patients. The farmers who grow your food and the people who sell it to you in the grocery store. The web of connection stretches on and on. They’ve all helped you in some small way.
Embrace discomfort
“Suffering = Pain x Resistance” – Shinzen Young
Initially, I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to take eight straight days of silence. Would I crack? Would I go crazy? Maybe I could talk just a little bit, once in a while? Perhaps I should check my phone every couple of days?
Of course, in the end there was nothing to worry about. The experience was extremely pleasant and the silence downright enjoyable.
There was a lot of learning in seeing how my mind resisted the discomfort at times. The impatience that came up during some sitting experiences. The distraction of aches and pains that arose. The excuses I’d make up for myself. And the magic realization that a lot of the resistance I have is just another voice in my mind!
With practice I can learn to be open to any experience – pleasant or unpleasant – and embrace it fully. Without judgement. Without resistance. Doing that takes away a lot of the feedback. And I can do that with everything! And over time this can create less discomfort in all aspects of my life.
It’s not about getting rid of your problems or pains. It’s about getting rid of your reactions to them. Simple and mind blowing all at once.
Have you even done anything similar? I’d love to hear from you.
