Life in the times of COVID. An update.

“The very worst events in life have that effect on a family: we always remember, more sharply than anything else, the last happy moments before everything fell apart.”
― Fredrik Backman, Beartown

 

Hi everyone.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything for this site. The last couple of months have been tough.

In seriousness, my apologies for not posting for a little while. It’s been a crazy time for all of us, myself included. At the time that I’m writing this we’re still in the midst of a global pandemic. At home, in Toronto, we’ve been living in a lockdown that is getting close to two months.

I miss people.

There’s been so much uncertainty up to this point and so much ahead.

There was the panic and mass hysteria. The worst of us. Toilet paper being stripped from the shelves and hoarding galore. Hate. Fear. Selfishness. Donald Trump.

And there was togetherness too. A collective decision to suffer together. Protecting human lives over economic interests. An agreement to close down the entire world. Individual pain for the greater good.

 

The surge?

At work, we were preparing for the worst. Images from Italy of overcrowded hospitals and ventilator shortages. What would happen to us? Is this for real?! Life stopped and the world shut down. My inbox was suddenly flooded with a barrage of meetings and emails.

“Do we have enough PPE?” “How should we intubate?” “Do we have enough drugs?” “Ventilators?” “What about codes?” “What if we all get sick?!”

Our testing criteria was changing daily. First we swabbed only the travellers from China…then Iran, then the countries kept expanding and then…. it didn’t matter anymore. Each person got four swabs, then two, then one, then two again. Every day there was a new rule or protocol.

We had no real precedent for this in modern times and new ideas were thrown out daily. Intubation boxes? Sharing ventilators? Antivirals? Plasma?!

We waited for the surge. Our days were quiet, but we knew that this was all going to be the calm before the storm. The people are getting sicker, numbers are rising. It’s coming……soon. We were at work, standing around nervously. Waiting.

Suffice it to say, I just didn’t feel like writing a blog post anymore….

 

Where did you all go?

And here I sit, almost two months later. In my office. Wearing sweat pants. Deep into a life of solitude. Trying to collect a few thoughts on my laptop.

The surge we were waiting for hasn’t come. At least, not yet. Thankfully. In fact, the ER has slowed significantly. Our social distancing measures are working. The curve is getting flatter. In Toronto we seem to have conserved our resources and kept our hospital capacity. For now.

It’s not time to relax just yet, but our anxieties about a tidal wave of patients has gone down significantly. Images of Italy and New York haven’t been seen here. We might actually be able to handle this thing. Eventually. It’s going to take a while.

Strangely, from an ER perspective, our messaging about staying home might have been too good. People have been staying out of the ER so much that our numbers have actually decreased dramatically. For a place that normally sees about three-hundred and fifty to four-hundred visits a day we’re suddenly seeing numbers like one-thirty to one-seventy. No one saw that coming. It’s unprecedented. I’ve heard similar stories elsewhere. Where did you all go?

Suddenly, a huge proportion of heart attacks and strokes seem to have vanished. Some numbers have quoted a 40% reduction in cardiac catheter activations since the lockdown began. Why?! Did we suddenly cure heart disease? Are people actually having fewer serious medical events? Were our fast-paced lifestyles making us sick? Or is it just too early to tell?

It’s concerning to think that people are suffering with serious illnesses at home. Possibly alone. Please come to the ER if you think you’re really sick.

And what about all of the regular day-to-day injuries that normally fill our ER’s? The cuts and the sprains and the bumps and the bruises. I haven’t seen a “six months of back pain” in forever. Not that I’m complaining.

 

So, now what?!

Here I am, like the rest of you, caught in the midst of this very strange pandemic. Alone with the rest of the world. Watching, waiting. Getting a little restless.

With this blog, I’m not exactly sure how best to express myself anymore. Everything is strange. I feel alone sometimes. Unmotivated.

There are other days when I feel like I’m wading through quick sand. My legs are heavy and I’d rather just stand here and sink (read: watch Netflix) instead of grind on through and take advantage of this sudden gift of time.

So I sit here, struggling to think of something inspiring to say. But I feel stuck.

However, I re-read some words I emailed to a colleague at the beginning of this pandemic. We were at the height of the uncertainty. Just as things were locking down. Remember? Times were different then, but I think the words still ring true.

I thought I’d share them with you.

 

If I may, allow me to provide a little bit of advice or comfort. Take it for what you will. I have had a little bit of experience in dealing with somewhat extreme situations. Both with extreme isolation and medical care in difficult contexts. 

We will get through this. Although this might take a while…..a long while…..and some difficult stuff might happen along the way……there will be an end to this, and life will resume as normal. 

Our anxiety is incredibly contagious. As MD’s, people look to us as examples of how to be during this time. It’s time for us to summon our inner “stoics” and “heroes” and be good examples in the department. Stay in a good mood at work, smile, tell jokes, be extra kind to patients, nurses, and our staff. Buy lots of coffees for everyone. Go see that extra long wait. Support your colleagues. Help those who are struggling. Pick up shifts. Help where you can. 

Take good care of yourself too. In my other life overseas, I haven’t always been the best at this. But find quiet time to reflect and write. Exercise! (Meditate). Talk to your friends and loved ones frequently. Find a safe place/person to talk about your fears. Sleep!

Ultimately, this is the responsibility we signed up for. People look to us in times of health emergencies to step up and take care of them. All of the respect I (we) get, the trips I take and the salary I earn are for situations like these. This is what being an emerg doc is all about. It’s like being a firefighter when your city is up in flames. Time to pick up a hose and jump in. Scary as it may be. 

 

Stay well everyone. I will keep plugging away at this. I hope to write to you some more soon.

PHT