Hi friends.
We’ve just come through Valentine’s day and I know this can be a mixed holiday for many people. Especially those not currently in a relationship or those struggling through relationship problems.
There’s an expectation that Feb 14th should be a certain way, and we’re supposed to be doing certain things that day. Romantic dinners, chocolates, flowers. Whatever.
When we are not engaged in the societal expectations of what that day should look like, there can be feelings of disappointment, sadness and heartache. I’ve been there.
I’d like to remind you that there truly are no “supposed to’s” in life. There only is…well…..what is.
Perhaps you feel as if your life “should” be a certain way. That you should have certain things or accomplished certain goals. Rest assured that you’re not alone in this.
Nobody has it all together, and no one has it 100% perfect. We’re all learning as we’re going along and we’re all striving to be better people.
Learning to accept where you currently are is an important step in reducing your general suffering. Where you are is exactly where you are supposed to be. Here, in the present moment.
There are no “supposed to’s”.
Right now is exactly where you need to be, and you can only move forward from where you presently stand.
Learn to accept yourself
Acceptance is a key component of learning to love yourself.
For me, I’ve been doing a lot of practice in learning to be kinder to myself. Reminding myself of just how good I really have it …..which is really, really good…..and working on accepting my current circumstances.
This past week, an exercise I’ve been doing involves simply reminding myself of the amount of love that truly exists in my life. Regardless of my relationship status or day to day feelings. There have been so many acts of love that have led me to be the person I am today.
It’s been a good practice to remind myself of that this past week.
So I’ve been meditating on love, and I like to share with you a bit about my latest practice.
You can use this as a contemplative exercise or as a formal meditation.
If you want to learn more about meditation, start here. If you’re not used to meditating, just closing your eyes, for a moment and practicing visualization, might be a useful thing to try. Or just find a piece of paper and write things down as they come to you.
You have received so much love in your life. Let’s take some time to notice it.
Everything that has led to you getting here today, wherever you are, has been guided by multiple acts of love. Life is so full of love. It’s time to reflect on the love that surrounds you. Even if you don’t believe it, just playing pretend for a while can have numerous benefits on your mental health.
Here’s a great article on the benefits of “faking it until you make it”
A practice
Plan on finding a quiet spot somewhere and taking a few minutes out of your day.
Sit comfortably somewhere. On a chair, or on a cushion.
Set an intention to commit the next few minutes fully to the exercise ahead.
Take a few, slow deep breaths.
Start by thinking of someone who cared for you while you were young. It could be a parent, a sibling, a nanny or some other caregiver. Who you choose doesn’t matter, just stay with whoever comes to you first. For me, it’s always my mother first.
Imagine them in front of you. Picture them in as much detail as possible. They are standing in front of you. Smiling. What do they look like? What are they wearing? Imagine them sending you some love.
What does it feel like?
Where do you feel the sensations the most?
If you’d like, you can imagine them saying the following to you……or something that brings you a sense of love or comfort.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.
Stay with this for a little while. See how much clarity you can give to the visual sensations of the image you’ve chosen and the felt sensations of the emotions you’re receiving? When you get distracted, return to the image and feelings again.
Then when you’re ready, picture another person who has also cared for you. Imagine them also standing beside you and sending you feelings of love. Perhaps they’re standing beside the first person you’ve chosen. Imagine them both there now, sending love your way.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.
Again, stay with this for a long as you choose.
Now one at a time, slowly add to the people you have cared for you in some way, or at some point. Imagine them slowly joining the group, one by one.
Think of important friends in your life. Imagine them joining the group. One by one. Think of all the ways they’ve helped you along the way.
Imagine a romantic partner, a first love, or all of your significant romantic partners. Think about the moments of love and affection you’ve received along the way.
If you choose, continue to make the group ever wider. Try and feel the love that is coming your way from all the various important people that have been in your life.
Teachers and professors. People who have helped to you learn the things that have gotten to where you are today. How many important teachers have you had in your life?
Coaches. We’re you ever part of a team? What care did you receive from the people who coached you.
Role models. Were there people you really looked up to along the way? Include them in your circle. They can be real people, or mythical figures.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.
Keep widening the circle.
Pets that you have cared for. Let them enter, one by one.
Your coworkers. How many times have they helped you along the way.
Patients you’ve cared for. Families you’ve shared important moments with. Add them to the circle. Imagine them thanking you for all that you have done.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.
Widen the circle further.
Your ancestors. You being here is a product of generations of people who have cared for the people that have led to the people that have cared for you. You are the product of thousands of years of love. Add those people to the circle. Add the ancestors of your friends and other loved ones.
All of the people whose work allow you to live the life you get to live. The farmers that grow your food. The people who ship it to you and stock the shelves of your grocery store. The police men (and women) who keep your streets safe at night. The doctors and nurses that have cared for you and your loved ones.
The trees that produce the oxygen that you breathe, the nature that creates the water that you drink. The sunlight that warms the planet you occupy.
If you choose, imagine yourself receiving love from the entire universe. Truly feel the sensations penetrating your being.
What does that feel like?
Stay with this image for as long as you choose. An infinite number of people, and objects that allow you to be you…..sending you love from all directions.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.
And finally….
Imagine yourself amongst the beings. You are standing there, watching over yourself. Imagine that image of you looking you in the eye. Caring for you. Sending you feelings of love.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.
How does that feel?
The more you practice this, the more you will begin to see all of the love that permeates your existence. And the more grateful that you will feel about your own life.
It’s been a great practice for me this week.
Thanks again.
1 comment
“May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at ease.” – I like it. Hope to see more such outstanding article 🙂