“To move to a new level in your life, you must break through your comfort zone and do things that are not comfortable” – T. Harv Ekler
What’s keeping you from living the life you want?
When you look down deep is there something holding you back? Keeping you from taking risks and breaking through barriers? Is there a resistance? A feeling deep down inside that you can’t shake? What is it? Is it fear? Shame? Doubt? Guilt?
You’re not alone. I certainly have my share of “blockages.”
These are areas in my life where I often meet up with an anxiety around change. It comes up frequently in new personal relationships, and new social situations, for instance. There are times when I hold myself back from taking risks for fear of failure or embarrassment.
Yet in other areas in my life, I thrive in uncertainty.
I’m an ER doctor. My job entails being prepared for the unknown. Literally anything can come through the door and I’m expected to react skillfully in these situations.
And you know what? I’m able to manage the majority of these situations without feeling a great deal of stress or anxiety. Calm in the midst of chaos. No problem. I’ve got crazy some stories too…..believe me. Often times, people ask me how I’m able to remain so composed in the face of what appears to be a very stressful situation.
The answer is easy.
It wasn’t always that way at work. I remember being early in my training and incredibly hesitant to step into acute care situations. I found them terrifying.
What if I make a mistake? Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing? Could I hurt someone?
However, through training and repeated exposure to that discomfort it dissolved and faded away. Slowly. And that’s the same experience of my colleagues.
Through repeated exposure to uncomfortable situations, I naturally learnt that those situations aren’t as scary as I once told myself. In fact, I love resuscitations now. As twisted as it may sound, what once was scary is now fun!
Now I’d like to apply that sort of knowledge to other situations in my life. And so should you.
We all have a comfort zone. This is a place where we can operate without a great deal of anxiety and stress. This is an important place. It’s familiar and safe. Routine. Our comfort zone is where can recharge, relax, and feel secure.
But it’s important to break out of this place once in a while.
““Life always begins with one step outside of your comfort zone.”
― Shannon L. Alder
Outside of your comfort zone is where the resistance lies. And entering this space is where the “magic happens”. In other words, where personal growth occurs.
Stepping into this resistance, while uncomfortable, allows you to take a close look at the thoughts that come up and the feelings that arise. For instance, are things as bad as you thought? Is the reality that bad or was it just a story you were telling yourself? Would you be willing to do it again?
Are there things you think you’d like to try but are too afraid to? For some it might be public speaking. For others it might be meeting new people. Perhaps learning a new skill. What about traveling somewhere on your own?
Personally, I’m working on trying to push the edges of my comfort zones in ways that are good for me, but still somewhat healthy.
A new challenge
For instance, just this past weekend, I attended a weekend workshop on “emotional clearing” here in Toronto.
Normally, something like this would immediately be met with a great deal of resistance, probably masked as great skepticism (and sarcasm). But given that I had a few friends that recommended this and were going with me, I gave it a try.
Initially, I had feelings of anxiety about what was going to happen. Would it be awkward? What would the people be like? Would I have anything in common with them? What would we talk about? Would this be embarrassing?
But there was a bit of excitement too. This was something new that I’ve never done before. There were so many possibilities. But I could see my familiar patterns arising as the event got closer. I could feel myself wanting to withdraw from the experience. Maybe I’d just pull out at the last minute, or leave early.
Fortunately, I decided to push myself and work with whatever came up. That was the point of this whole exercise anyway, right?
So during this workshop I entered into some pretty vulnerable places with some people I had never met before. But we were all doing it, so it felt safe. And it was a safe place to explore some pent up stuff that I normally hold deep down inside. In the end, it was really interesting to explore. I learned a tonne about myself and left with some great tools.
So, it turns out that all of my initial fears were unwarranted. That anxiety was just a pattern of resistance that comes up when entering a new situation. I didn’t need to feel that way. The workshop ended up being really entertaining and I left feeling energized. I had met and conversed with some interesting people and had fun. What was I so worried about?
Why hold myself back?
In my experience, when I push my personal boundaries, I realize that those boundaries are not quite as solid as I was telling myself.
There’s a great freedom in that.
Perhaps I am much more capable than I think. Maybe a lot of the things that are holding myself back are just stories that aren’t really true.
In the future, I’d like to keep challenging them. Let’s see where it takes me.
Yerkes-Dodson Law
There are a lot of studies that support this idea as well.
The most well known is the Yerkes-Dodson law. It dates back to the early 1900’s.
Simply, it states that in order to maximize our performance, we need a state where our stress levels are slightly higher than normal. In other words, just outside our comfort zone.
It’s in this space, when we really challenge ourselves, that we can produce some amazing results.
Benefits
When you push yourself a bit more than normal, there’s a lot of good things that can result.
When you step outside of our comfort zone you can be more productive. If you’re in that sweet spot where you’re pushing yourself just enough you’ll end up being at a state where you’ll perform your best. Too relaxed and you’ll slack off or get bored. Too stressed and your stress response will impair your performance.
Another benefit is that you might be more comfortable with dealing with change and uncertainty in the future. Certainly, once you’ve moved through some resistance you’ll find it easier to continue to push your boundaries and continue to experience further personal growth.
Likely, you’ll learn things about yourself that you’d never know otherwise. You might have an opportunity to challenge some of your ideas and see old problems in a new light.
The downsides
Of course, too much anxiety and our performance plummets. We can’t always be living at the edge of our comforts. You don’t have to go full throttle all the time. Sometimes it’s good to have a safe place to return to once in a while.
A place to rest, recharge and care for yourself. It’s great to do things that we are familiar with. As doctors, we can very much become creatures of habit. Sometimes its okay to retreat to a safe and comfortable space.
But if you’re feeling stuck. Or feeling the need to change things up?
Try and push your boundaries a little bit.
What is the edge of your comfort zone?
Can you just step beyond that, just a little bit?
Give it a try sometime. There’s nothing to be afraid of, only your own resistance and prior conditioning. Remember, on the other side of that is change, growth and learning.
You’re a lot more capable than you think!